Off to a great start!

Dear Little Mandy,

I haven't left you! I'm still here, have no fear! It just took me awhile to master the scanner.

What's a "scanner" you ask? Oh, silly Mandy - someday, when you grow up, there will be so many different uses for technology that your head will sometimes feel like exploding. But don't worry -- in a fun way.... kind of.

As you recall, things started well for you in the world... You had a great family (and still do), and a somewhat decent fashion sense when relying on someone else to put something respectable on your cute little body.

Come on -- those ruffles are working all of my best assets.

You were bright-eyed and bushy tailed - ready to welcome whatever the world may bring your way! You had dreams, aspirations, and a job to do... Save the world, obviously, with a highly androginous hairstyle (this will be a re-occuring theme in your life):

It's a boy!...? It's a..... girl? Oh, whatever - it's SuperMandy!

Your parents kept you well clothed, well fed, and made good decisions for you that would carry over for a long time...

Things to note: Don't follow your mom's example and wear see-through clothes at CHURCH. And don't, whatever you do, grow a beard like your dad's. For obvious reasons.

It all seemed so easy! You look cute, people dress you, and you go about your merry business. But, baby Mandy, soon you would grow.. and grow... and grow. And apparently, so would your GLASSES. Shudder. (Brace yourself for this frightening glimpse into your future)

The bigger to see you with -- even without a microscope.

As you can see, things were a little up, and a little down. But so is everything in life... Without the downs, the ups wouldn't be as high. It's much easier to hear someone say than to figure out yourself, but it's the truth. It's taken me 30 years to realize that one bad day, or even one bad hour, is not the end of you. Not even close. It's just remembering in that moment that it's going to change for you!

You are going to meet your best friends and keep them forever. You are going to find friends and people in your life that will help you find clothes that fit you and are actually cute and fashionable. You will learn to not fear small spaces or tiny chairs. You will learn that if there are people out there that want to be around you no matter how chubby you are/feel/see yourself, then why shouldn't you want to be around you also?

We all have our times in our childhood where we look back and think "that could have ended SO much differently than it did!"... I have a lot of those.  But the best part is that it DID end differently, and it's here now that I sit and reflect on just how much all of the frustrations and tears shed over how I should look or be made me who I am today -- a stronger person, who doesn't wear shirts with cats on them anymore. Not even in the privary of my own home. (I swear!!!!)

But it takes a lot to put down the cat shirts, get some contacts (or glasses that weren't stolen from Sally Jesse Raphael), and learn to see the wide open roads ahead of you!

But first, you'll need a license. And I've gotta be honest with you - learning how to drive with crazy Janet Harter as your coach, and blind Steve Harter shouting at you to not go at break-neck speeds will be QUITE the adventure. More on that later, though. :)

Mandylightfully yours,
M <3

Stripes, duck faces, and TGIF

Dear World (including, and especially, little Mandy):

How do I start this thing off? I will do it the best way that I know how to do things - loudly and messily, and usually resulting in more frustration and drama than completely necessary. This, my friends, is me:

Happy, sweaty, and laughing -- I am usually a mixture of those three things it seems...

I haven't always been a Vidal Sassoon/L'Oreal/Lucky Jeans model - carefree and flying around the world in my private jet high above the common folk. Once upon a time, I was a little bit of a somewhat clueless, bossy, nosy, chubby little girl with a loud voice and giant glasses. Hard to believe, isn't it? Well you're in luck - I have proof. See if you can spot me, circa 2nd grade:

I'll give you some time to pick me out. 3, 2 - oh, that was fast.

Yes, my friends... Even before photo bombing was a thing that kids these days were obsessed with, I had mastered the art -- and photo bombed the school picture of my 2/3 split class. Aahhh, what form and poise.

Seeing me there in all of my striped glory brings back so many memories and emotions. I have struggled for a long time to love myself for the awesome person that I am. And even today, at the age of 30, I struggle. Every day is a battle against my inner monologue - an exercise in saying "forget you!" to what people may think of me. I have an amazing family, wonderful friends, and a fabulous boyfriend who all love me for who I am inside and out... And I'm so blessed to have that.

But striped, duck face (yes, even before making duck facing was popular, folks!), chubby baby Mandy had to learn the hard way in a lot of things. And I have so much that I wish that I could say to her now, and to say to anyone else who has a little kid inside of them that had hard times. Kids can be so cruel -- and I'm not just talking about other kids -- I'm talking about our most harsh critics... ourselves.

And so I will write to the Mandy's of the past and the Mandy's of the future... I will explain that things will get better, things can get worse, and that we all have soooooo much more authority and power to change those things than we realize in the moment.

I say this all now because hindsight is 20/20... but back then I just thought that was a terrible news show that my parents watched after TGIF. Ahh, if only things ended blissfully after Step by Step every night, right?

Mandylightfully Yours,
M <3